


It’s always been you

by Lennon_1940



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Albus loves muggle things, Angst, Background Relationships, Gender Identity, M/M, Mainly Drarry, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, My First Fanfic, Ratings will change as story progresses, Scorpius takes showers to avoid his problems, genderfluid Scorpius Malfoy, this probably suckz;), wrote this instead of applying for college
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:27:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28012386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lennon_1940/pseuds/Lennon_1940
Summary: Scorpius is fifteen years old when he realizes he is completely and uncontrollably in love with Albus Potter. He thinks he realizes it the moment Albus is laughing at something Scorpius said to the point that he falls off his stool.He is so thankful that Christmas break is right around the corner
Relationships: Scorpius Malfoy/Albus Severus Potter
Kudos: 9





	It’s always been you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first work, hope it’s not too terrible

Scorpius is fifteen years old when he realizes he is completely and uncontrollably in love with Albus Potter. He thinks he realizes it the moment Albus is laughing at something Scorpius said to the point that he falls off his stool.

They were at Hogsmade and had stopped for a butter beer. Albus is now climbing back up with tears streaming down his face from laughter and clutching to Scorpius’ shoulder. Scorpius goes a bit breathless and tries to remember how to breathe.

He is so thankful that Christmas break is right around the corner

* * *

  
They part ways with Albus clutching to Scorpius and their parents watching not so subtly a few steps away. Albus makes him promise that they will write to each other and gives him a small peck under his ear where their parents can’t see.

He leaves to go join Teddy, James, and his mum and dad.

He looks around for his own father and mother to find only his dad standing before him. He catches his dad and Mr. Potter gazing at each other. His father looks away swiftly ones he’s been caught and welcomes him in open arms and leads them home. 

Once at home he heads to the loo and decides to wash the train ride off. He tries to stop his thoughts from lingering on Al. And his black hair, with his _stupid_ green eyes, and lanky figure, and tall frame, and the way he looked in his Quidditch gear.

He gives a frustrated sigh realizing he’s given in to exactly what he _isn’t_ going to do.

Scorpius exits the shower and looks at the outline of himself in the mirror. He raises his hand to try and clear the fog that had formed and sees his reflection staring back.

He can’t help but notice the. . . _Malfoy-ness_ of his features. He has the same ivory hair of his father (which is to say his grandfather as well), he has that straight pure-blood like nose, prominent collarbones, and the same steely gray eyes of his father.

But he also has features that don’t belong to his father’s side of the family. His pale eyelashes curl upwards in a feminine way that often had resulted in being called out by rude boys during school.

He also has his mother’s wave-like hair. But it isn’t really noticeable since he keeps it short and well-trimmed as his father once wore.

Scorpius realizes that he’d always wanted to grow his hair out and won’t let anything stop him any longer. He slides his fingers throughout his hair and watches it slide over his face.

He can’t wait to finally find himself.

* * *

As he exits he unpacks in his room and takes a look around. He sees pictures of him and Al, some with his father from when he was a baby, others with his mother when she and father had stopped arguing long enough to take the photo, and very few with his grandmother.

From what his father had shared, he had been arranged to marry Astoria Greengrass and to start a family. They had put their “differences aside” (whatever that meant) for the sake of marriage. His grandfather had been sent to Azkaban and didn’t survive it long after.

After the wedding, his father decided he couldn’t go back to the “hell hole” he referred to as Malfoy Manor and had the few family valuables that remained brought to the small cottage he’d bought.

He’d once asked why his father and mother had only had him, to which his father had replied “You were more than we could’ve asked for Scorpius”. And then gave him a small kiss on his forehead in one of his very rare moments of affection.

Having siblings and a large family was something Scorpius envied from Al. Even though Al had told him that his mum and dad had stopped trying after him because they had begun to no longer get along. Albus still had his mum’s large side of the family and the many grandchildren in it.

He teared his gaze away from the moving memories and headed to dinner. He found his mum sipping a cup of tea in the living room and startle as she saw him approach.

“Scorpius! Where have you been love? Your father told me you headed straight to your room once arriving”

Scorpius headed over and gave her a kiss on her cheek

“Hello mum, I apologize. I was rather tired from the journey and wanted to wash it off” he said sheepishly.

His mother waved it off, “Don’t dwell on it love, dinner should almost be ready. Make sure you’re prepared for a visit since your father’s friend _Pansy_ will be joining us” she said distastefully.

Scorpius knew his mother couldn’t be jealous since his parents seemed to be in a loveless marriage. He had often wondered and wanted to ask why they didn’t simply move away from one another or divorce. But he feared those types of things shouldn’t be asked to ones parents.

He’d rather liked Pansy from the few visits he’d been present at. She had apparently never married and had a preference for always teasing his father and making him squirm in ways only a lifelong friend could. He was rather excited for her visit but wasn’t about to tell his mother that.

* * *

After dinner he sat on one of the couches watching Pansy and his father quarrel about some “fixation” he’d had in school.

To be honest he wasn’t paying attention. He pretended to be interested in the book he was reading but kept getting distracted by Pansy painting her nails. It was apparently a muggle thing so he hadn’t seen much of it in his world, but saw the occasional girl with painted nails at school.

He observed as Pansy lifted the brush and applied the darkest shade of black expertly on her nail. She dipped the brush back in the bottle, took some excess off, and then in one swoop covered her nail with the polish. Once done, she spoke more with her hands than lips in an attempt he assumed was to dry them faster.

Pansy caught him looking and gave him a devious smile with a raised eyebrow. He looked over at his father and was glad he was still distracted in the middle of a sentence saying

“—it was always _him_ Pansy. Trying to rile _me_ up and provoke me when I was being perfectly civil”.

He excused himself and headed over to his room in an attempt to make sense of his thoughts.

His father knocked on his door sometime later saying it was time for bed and to make sure to say goodnight to his mother.

Scorpius headed to the bathroom and did his nightly routine before finally slipping into his pajamas after the long day. He headed over to his mums separate room where he predicted she had some old record playing in the background while smoking and muttering to herself.

Just that sight greeted him as he entered her room.

They said their goodnights and wished his mother would go to wherever she longed to be so she could be _truly_ happy. He left her behind in her room clouded with cigarette smoke.

He exited her room and headed over to his fathers. He said his goodnights too before leaving. But before he could his father said,

“Hold on Scorp, I forgot to give you this when I stopped by your room earlier. Pansy left this behind and said it was ‘ _only_ for him, Draco, and _not_ you. Don’t open it’” he muttered.

“She said it was apparently an early Christmas present”

Scorpius took the box wrapped in Christmas paper and glanced at his father as a clue to what it was. He seemed rather confused and clueless as well but shrugged and turned back to writing whatever he was on a parchment.

He headed back to his room and started unwarping before even opening the door. Once he had the wrapper off he was sitting in his bed sliding whatever was inside onto his bed and gave a soft gasp as bottles landed and clunked together.

It was nail polish bottles. Varying from a soft pink, a lilac color, and the third one filled with a baby blue. Along with the polishes was a mini bottle that read _Nail Polish Remover_.

He was overwhelmed, he guessed he wasn’t as subtle as he had thought. He quickly rose and made sure to lock the door and turn the lights off before his father would stop by and demand why he wasn’t asleep yet.

Scorpius used his wand for a lumos charm and decided he couldn’t decide on _one_ color so began taking turns with the polish on his nails.

By the end, after tedious patience and cleaning up, he decided he _loved_ the pastels on his nails. And concluded that he probably loved pastels too.

He went to bed once he made sure his nails were dry and fell into slumber thinking of the many reasons as to why he _didn’t_ and couldn’t like Albus Potter.

* * *

Scorpius wakes up to a consistent tapping on his window and blearily opens his eyes to seek the source. He sees a blurry owl hooting at him haughtily outside surrounded in snow that had gathered around his window.

Once his mind starts to actually make sense he identifies it as Albus’ owl and hurriedly lets it in. Henrietta angrily, and purposely he suspects, shakes off the snow once inside. She drops a letter on his desk and flutters her wings while stomping a claw on his desk demanding a treat.

Definitely Henrietta.

He finds some owl treats he’d left behind in a drawer and leaves a handful where Henrietta stands. He sits on his bed and opens the letter nervously.

_Scorp,_

_I miss you so much. I’m going crazy over here. George keeps making pranks on mum and Percy since he says they’re the “easiest to rile up”. Mum and dad don’t seem to care that we’re together during the holiday with a larger audience because that doesn’t stop them from arguing over the smallest things. Bill and Fleur are annoyingly in love as ever. Hermione keeps telling Uncle Ron to stop “eating so much carrot cake because you know how it upsets you later”. Which I nor anyone else needed to know. Teddy and James spend too much time together, suspiciously too much, to the point where no one else seems to notice and it’s driving me mad. I wish you were here with me, or I was with you because I don’t think I’m going to survive much longer. If I don’t, please take care of Henrietta for me and just tell James “I told you so”._

_Thinking of you,_

_Al_

Great, Scorpius thinks _. Just_ what he needed.

Instead of replying to Albus, Scorpius starts listing the reasons as to why and how he will get over Al.

  1. _Because he is straight and would never ever like you back_
  2. _It will ruin a friendship_
  3. _He only likes you as a friend and is your **only** friend_
  4. _He is a Potter and you are a Malfoy_
  5. _You have to stop addressing him as Al and instead as Albus; more professional_
  6. _Slowly but surely drift away. But of course not all at once, or he will get suspicious_
  7. _Hang out with other people (good luck with that)_
  8. _He will never like you back because did I mention he is the most heterosexual you know?_
  9. _He probably feels pity for you from whatever his father has told him and decided to befriend you_



By the time Scorpius reaches ten his wrist is aching and he is in a rather foul mood staring at the words before him.

* * *

Scorpius wakes up on Christmas day to shouting. He doesn’t even bother distinguishing the voices because he already knows who they belong to.

“Come on Draco, you are practically in _love_ with him and have been since you were Merlin knows how old. Probably from the _second_ you met him. Why can’t you just _own_ up to it?”

“What is that supposed to mean? This has nothing to do with what I suggested!”

He hears his mother sigh and say rather calmly, “Draco, I can’t keep doing this”

Finally, Scorpius thinks.

His father doesn’t seem surprised or upset and replies “I can’t either. I never wanted this you know. I’m sorry we were both brought into this. We are both in a marriage we never wanted that resulted in a child that was _needed_ and expected more than desired”.

Scorpius thinks he heard wrong as his heart stings and there seems to be some loud noise pumping in his ears. He doesn’t hear his mother argue or deny it and hears her say after a beat too long

“We’ll discuss this later after Scorpius has left. Let’s just try and give him a good Christmas before he leaves back to Hogwarts”

He hears his father sigh defeatedely as he agrees.

Scorpius casts a tempus and realizes it is still early and wouldn’t be suspicious if he “woke” up in an hour or so. He hides underneath the covers and cries realizing he isn’t enough for Albus, and isn’t even wanted from his own parents.

After some minutes later he rinses his face, wipes the snot away, and waits until his eyes are no longer red-rimmed before heading downstairs. He casts a charm to hide his nails before leaving.

His father has his back turned as he reads his morning paper with a cup of steaming tea in front of him. Scorpius looks for his mother but hears clattering upstairs in his mother’s room.

He glances at the large and bright Christmas tree and sees the many presents surrounding it. He can see some are from Pansy, grandmother, his parents, and others from people he’s never known but has only heard of.

Scorpius puts on a brave face and hides his heart shattering behind a false and cheery voice as he says “Happy Christmas, father”.

Draco turns around noticing his son and says “Scorpius! I didn’t hear you come downstairs. Just waking up?” he asks hopefully.

“Yes, father” Scorpius replies as his father heads towards him

His father gives him an awkward and tight hug that is at the same time loose.

“Happy Christmas, Scorp. You want to wait after breakfast before opening your presents?”

“Alright, is mother coming down soon?”

Draco looks rather unsure but says “Yes! I’ll go tell her you’re up already”. Before clambering up the stairs.

Scorpius wonders how he’s going to eat breakfast with absolutely no appetite.

After a rather tense and awkward breakfast as a “family”. Scorpius opens presents under his parent’s hawk-like stares. He repeatedly says he appreciates each gift after he runs out of things to say. His mother got him a soft cotton sweater that is his favorite shade of blue. While his father passed on to him a Malfoy ring along with a lengthy note of its family history. He wears both the sweater and ring for appearances and can’t wait to take them off as they sting his skin.

He tells his parents he absolutely loves the presents they got him.

Scorpius heads to his room just as he sees Henrietta landing on his window still. She already starts tapping impatiently as he’s making his way over. He lets her in and she drops a package on his desk. Scorpius opens it to find a . . . knitted beanie that he can’t decide if it’s finished or unfinished with the word “Scop” written on it.

He opens the letter left in the package to read the explanation behind it. The smell of syrup hits his nose as he opens it and finds ~~Al’s~~ Albus’ sticky fingerprints smudged around and stuck to the paper as he struggled to open the letter.

_Scorp,_

_I hope you’re doing well and not as busy as you appear to be since you didn’t reply to my last letter. But it’s ok since I know you will respond to this one. I loved the scarf you got me for Christmas! James tried to steal it from me because he said it felt “expensive”. I have it wrapped around my neck so James won’t steal it. It’s so warm! How many presents did you get? What did you get? Grandfather got me muggle mobile! I’ve been wanting one so long and am trying to figure out how to use it. It lets me take pictures but unfortunately they don’t move. Thankfully Christmas holiday is almost over because I caught Teddy and James making out; YUCK! Dad got me the newest Niffler and I can’t wait to try it out in the Quidditch field with you on a match. The one who loses gets to buy the other unlimited butter beers for a day._

_Missing you loads, Al_

_P.S. Hope you liked your present._

Great no explanation. This letter simply made his day worse. Not only did he have the worst Christmas ever, finding out Albus appears to be a homophobe and unthoughtful as ever tops it all off. He snatches some parchment and dips his feather in ink to reply to Albus because he knows he will be persistent if he doesn’t.

_Albus S. Potter,_

_Glad to hear you had a delightful Christmas. Things are rather hectic and busy over here so I do apologize for not replying sooner. Thank you for your gift, see you soon._

_Scorpius H. Malfoy_

He’s glad that’s over with as he waxes, seals his letter, and hands it to Henrietta as he opens the window and ignores her hoots for a treat. He all but forces her out the window. Once he gets her to leave he shuts the window pane rather harshly and she finally flies away.

Once she’s gone he looks distastefully at the horrific beanie Albus got him and flings it under his bed where he knows it will remain. Not only did Albus seem to put the least thought into his gift, but he probably got his grandmother to knit it last minute since he didn’t have anything else. And his name was spelt wrong!

He decides to go to bed early and is thankful to have that stupid ring and sweater off him.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys didn’t hate this too much. I already have the second chapter but have to edit some bits.  
> I have an idea of where this is going but not really 
> 
> Honestly the fic ‘Hello’ by sara_holmes inspired me to write this. But I was like it needs 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 angst.
> 
> Back to procrastinating on my college applications :’)


End file.
